Hari ini saya mau bercerita soal
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Senin, 25 September 2017
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music /
playlist /
very personal
category
very personal
Tampilkan postingan dengan label very personal. Tampilkan semua postingan
Tampilkan postingan dengan label very personal. Tampilkan semua postingan
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Senin, 25 September 2017
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music /
playlist /
very personal
Hari ini saya mau bercerita soal
Blogger Lifestyle dari yogyakarta, Indonesia yang hobi bikin konten gado-gado dan seringnya sih ngerjain konten orang lain makanya blog sendiri malah jarang keurus
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Senin, 04 September 2017
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diary /
thoughts /
very personal
Orang Indonesia suka banget sama yang namanya sob stories, alias cerita sedih. Kenapa saya tahu? karena saya juga orang Indonesia. Hari-hari saya (yang konon produktif itu) pernah dihabiskan untuk rebutan remote dengan ibu saya yang ngotot pengen nonton film india yang ceritanya sedih banget ituh. Kalau saya bilang film-film itu nggak mendidik, ibu saya akan mengeluarkan jurus utamanya; "ini banyak pesan moralnya!"
Blogger Lifestyle dari yogyakarta, Indonesia yang hobi bikin konten gado-gado dan seringnya sih ngerjain konten orang lain makanya blog sendiri malah jarang keurus
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Jumat, 30 September 2016
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lifehack /
lifestyle /
minimalism /
thoughts /
very personal
Dari saya kecil, saya sudah terbiasa hidup maksimalis. Maklumlah, untuk ukuran keluarga kecil beranggotakan satu anak, rumah keluarga saya terbilang besar--cukup untuk koprol-koprol ke kiri dan ke kanan sepuluh kali kalo saya sedang bosan.
Seiring bertambah dewasanya saya (ceileh), saya pun pindah ke rumah yang lebih kecil sendirian. Keluarga saya juga sudah hidup masing-masing menikmati masa tua. Jadilah saya yang terbiasa punya banyak barang mendadak harus downsizing semua harta benda yang saya miliki. Lucunya, jauh sebelum tinggal dirumah, saya tinggal di sebuah kamar asrama berukuran 3x1,8m yang sempitnya alamakjang. Waktu saya pindah ke rumah dari asrama, ternyata bawaan saya sekitar 12 kardus berukuran sedang.
Saya jadi berpikir keras, "gila nih, gue punya apa aja dulu di asrama sampe bisa sepenuh ini?" Panik gak sih dirimu, ketika bawaan hidupmu di kamar yang sempit ternyata berhasil mengisi 3/4 rumah tipe 45?
Sampailah saya pada kesimpulan kalau saya ini orangnya hoarding, alias penimbun. Apa yang saya timbun? apapun! hal-hal yang ngga penting dari kartu nama, brosur, pricetag baju, dan lain-lain semuanya ada. Saya sampai kewalahan sendiri melihatnya.
Awal-awal, saya berhasil meninggalkan hobi kebiasaan hoarding itu dan menggantinya dengan kehidupan yang lebih minimalis. satu tahun berlalu, dua tahun, tiga tahun...dan tidak terasa saya akan menikah. Otomatis dong, saya beres-beres rumah untuk make room buat pak suami--yang waktu itu masih calon. Berbekal e-book nya Marie Kondo & puluhan video youtube soal bersih-bersih, berbereslah saya.
Mau tau hasilnya? saya berhasil ngiloin kertas sebanyak 75 kilogram kertas. 75 KILO SAUDARA-SAUDARA. Ngga tau saya itu 75 kilo kertas muncul secara ajaib dari mana. Nah itu baru kertas, dan belom yang lain-lain semisal.... satu kantong plastik sampah ukuran besar kosmetik yang ngga terpakai. Padahal kantong plastiknya bisa buat saya main petak umpet! huft.
Bicara soal pak suami? dia sih lebih parah lagi. Tumpukan resep, katalog, dan sampel obat untuk hewan dimana-mana. Belom sisa-sisa rekam medik pasien pribadinya. Kadang kalau lagi beres-beres, saya suka sebel melihat goodie bag produk hewan yang berceceran dimana-mana.
Nah belakangan, saya sering liat teman-teman saya posting di sosmed soal memulai minimalist living lagi di Indonesia--and I jumped right back into the Bandwagon, simply because I have to many stuff and I (deep down) really want to get rid of them.
Setelahkepo riset secara ekstensif di sosial media, ternyata sekarang di Jepang dan US lagi ngetrend banget si minimalist living ini. Apa sih minimalist living itu? artinya kita hanya memiliki benda-benda yang kita butuhkan--bukan benda-benda yang sekadar memenuhi rumah kita. Bahkan minimalist living ini gak cuma sekadar masalah benda-benda yang kita miliki, tapi juga soal declutter jadwal dan sampah digital kita juga lho!
Pernah ngga sih kamu merasa sebal melihat baju-bajumu, atau bosan melihat koleksi make-up mu yang itu-itu saja? Nah itu yang saya rasakan sekarang. Seiring dengan berjalannya waktu, kemeja flanel yang saya sukai di awal kuliah S1 itu sudah nggak menarik lagi, t-shirt band indie yang saya puja jaman SMA juga sudah berubah fungsi jadi baju tidur. And like it or not, I bet you have the same thing!
Kalo bisa dibilang, saya juga belum bisa 100% meminimalisasi benda-benda dirumah sih. Contoh yang paling kongkrit adalah soal piring-piring dan gelas-gelas. Selama ini sih saya mikirnya mau jaga-jaga kalau suatu hari ada tamu banyak atau disuruh pinjemin piring untuk kendurian tetangga. Jadi sebenarnya masih banyak juga clutter alias benda-benda yang sebenarnya gak benar-benar saya butuhkan.
Ini juga sih yang membuat saya masih sulit untuk memulai minimalist living di Indonesia. Untuk yang tinggal di kota boleh lah ya cuma punya 1-2 piring untuk diri sendiri, tapi kalau masih tinggal di kampung kayak saya ini? Mana bisaaaaa.... bisa-bisa dibilang sombong kalau ngga mau pinjemin piring pas acara-acara desa.
Belum lagi tuntutan "satu baju gak boleh dipake dua kali". Duh jujur deh, ini tuntutan sosial yang paling ngga masuk diakal buat saya, tapi apa daya, kalau misalnya saya keliatan terlalu sering memakai satu outfit (yang menurut saya sudah kece badai cetar halilintar) nanti bisa-bisa tetangga-tetangga komentar "duh istrinya pak dokter masa bajunya itu-itu aja"--kan bete, karena pak suami dibawa-bawa.
Padahal ya, yang namanya Marie Kondo itu juga bajunya cuma beberapa aja. Kalau misalnya saya mau simpen 1-5 baju yang itu-itu aja, sisanya saya jual setelah 2-3 kali pakai kok rasanya sayang betul. Belum baju preloved biasanya harganya jatuh. Just saying, saya juga bukan tipikal yang rajin beli baju kok, tapi kalau beli baju untuk 1-2 occasion aja rasanya sayang-sayang uang betul. Tapi sekali lagi ya, saya pun menyerah pada lingkungan sosial *kemudian mengangkat tangan dan melambaikan kepada kamera*.
Jadi sebenarnya apa yang dibutuhkan untuk memulai minimalist living di Indonesia? Simpel, kita butuh mental dan keberanian. Keberanian untuk mendekap dompet erat-erat di musim sale dan lipen yang kita inginkan harganya mursida luar biasa dan mental untuk siap dicerca karena "gak punya apa-apa". Keberanian untuk bilang bahwa kita ngga perlu empat teko dengan warna yang berbeda, satu untuk teh, satu untuk kopi, satu untuk air dan satu lagi untuk sirup karena kita khawatir kalau dicampur-campur nanti rasa minumannya juga ikut kecampur. Keberanian untuk bilang ke pak suami kalau dia punya jatah 1 kardus saja untuk semua printilan non-fungsional yang ia bawa pulang dari kantor.
Terus kalau udah punya mentalnya? Gimana?
Kalau kita sudah yakin bakal memulai minimalist living, kita perlu banget menyiapkan target untuk beres-beres, dan kita bisa membagi proses beres-beres yang heboh itu menjadi beberapa bagian, misalnya, minggu ini kita akan beres-beres baju, minggu depan beres-beres buku, dan seterusnya, dan semuanya akan selesai dalam lima minggu. Percaya deh, memenuhi target ini berat banget, makanya sebelum saya beres-beres saya sempat berkali-kali membaca ulang bukunya Marie Kondo supaya paham teknik membereskan rumah yang efektif.
Tapi kalau setelah saya resapi nih ya, satu-satunya teknik yang kamu butuhkan adalah niat dan fokus. Kalau kita mencoba beres-beres dalam posisi pikiran kemana-mana ya hasilnya bakal kemana-mana. Misalnya kalau kita beresin baju sambil mikirin makanan, ya ujung-ujungnya lari deh kita ke dapur dan beres-beresnya gak jadi dilanjutin. Kelar makan, eh udah keburu males, dan begitu seterusnya.
Dan jujur, proses beres-beres paling berat untuk saya itu ada di bagian miscellaneous junk yang penuh memori. Susah ya, membuang benda-benda pemberian dari mantandan mantan teman-teman yang emang sudah tidak kita butuhkan lagi (sambil duduk memangku parfum harga sekian juta yang sekarang sudah nggak pernah saya pakai) belum lagi kalau ada nilai sentimentil dari benda-benda tersebut. Hmmm.. makin jadi lah sulitnya. Belum kalau suatu saat mereka dateng terus nanya "eh *insert_nama_hadiah* dari gue mana??" tengsin betul deh.
Ya sebenarnya sih, kalau kita mikirnya 'nantinya', 'nantinya', dan 'nantinya' ya gak jadi-jadilah kita hidup minimalis. Makanya kita benar-benar harus menekankan mindset untuk bersih-bersih dalam kehidupan yang seutuhnya. Jadinya, meskipun furnitur dan printilan kita dirumah sudah minimalis tapi hati kita masih maksimalis.
Selepas beres-beres rumah, hal terpenting kedua adalah membereskan hati kita. Pernah ngga sih kita merasa hidup kita terlalu padat dan dipenuhi hal-hal yang sebenarnya kita butuhkan HANYA UNTUK EKSISTENSI?
Well, saya selalu menekankan pada diri saya, busy is not always equal productive, sibuk tidak selalu sama dengan produktif. Ini penting banget. Setiap saya melihat jadwal saya, saya bisa mengatakan saya orang yang sibuk, tapi saya juga ngga bisa bilang saya orang yang produktif. Kesibukan apa sih yang bisa saya cut dari hidup saya?
Ternyata setelah saya melakukan re-evaluasi terhadap kalender, banyak kok kesibukan yang bisa saya potong dari hidup saya. Contoh utamanya adalah nggosip dengan tetangga selepas sore hari, atau pergi ke arisan-arisan yang sebenarnya tidak terlalu saya sukai. Saya juga bisa memotong waktu saya didepan laptop dan bekerja. Saya masih bisa meluangkan waktu 10 menit untuk bermeditasi setiap harinya. And it's actually good for my soul.
Tapi saya juga paham, tidak semua orang bisa seperti ini, khususnya ibu-ibu yang sedang mengasuh anak balitanya. Setiap hari pasti full dengan jadwal bersama anak. Yang ingin saya tekankan adalah, semua orang perlu me-time. Yang bisa mengukur seberapa produktif kita, ya kita sendiri. Bukan orang lain. Mungkin bagi saya, produktif itu berarti bisa menyelesaikan puluhan task dalam sehari, sedangkan bagi ibu-ibu yang lain, produktif itu berarti bisa menghabiskan 12 jam bersama anak tanpa gangguan yang berarti. Sah-sah aja kok.
Karena minimalist living itu kan sebenarnya meminimalisir 'gangguan-gangguan' dari hidup kita supaya kita lebih happy dan lebih ceria. Jadi ini bukan hanya sekedar furnitur atau kalender, tapi juga bersih-bersih hati dan pikiran, gitu ibu-ibu.
Kalau soal tetangga, orang-orang di kiri dan di kanan, saya juga tidak mampu untuk bilang kita harus nyuekin mereka, karena di lingkungan saya pun jelas saya tidak bisa melakukannya. Tapi kalau kita bisa menjelaskan pelan-pelan kenapa kita 'berubah', maybe they'll came along too, who knows? gak ada yang tau kalau misalnya kita malah bisa menginspirasi mereka.
Jadi kapan kita mau mulai? Yuk saling support untuk memulai minimalist living sekarang!
Setelah
Pernah ngga sih kamu merasa sebal melihat baju-bajumu, atau bosan melihat koleksi make-up mu yang itu-itu saja? Nah itu yang saya rasakan sekarang. Seiring dengan berjalannya waktu, kemeja flanel yang saya sukai di awal kuliah S1 itu sudah nggak menarik lagi, t-shirt band indie yang saya puja jaman SMA juga sudah berubah fungsi jadi baju tidur. And like it or not, I bet you have the same thing!
Kalo bisa dibilang, saya juga belum bisa 100% meminimalisasi benda-benda dirumah sih. Contoh yang paling kongkrit adalah soal piring-piring dan gelas-gelas. Selama ini sih saya mikirnya mau jaga-jaga kalau suatu hari ada tamu banyak atau disuruh pinjemin piring untuk kendurian tetangga. Jadi sebenarnya masih banyak juga clutter alias benda-benda yang sebenarnya gak benar-benar saya butuhkan.
Ini juga sih yang membuat saya masih sulit untuk memulai minimalist living di Indonesia. Untuk yang tinggal di kota boleh lah ya cuma punya 1-2 piring untuk diri sendiri, tapi kalau masih tinggal di kampung kayak saya ini? Mana bisaaaaa.... bisa-bisa dibilang sombong kalau ngga mau pinjemin piring pas acara-acara desa.
Belum lagi tuntutan "satu baju gak boleh dipake dua kali". Duh jujur deh, ini tuntutan sosial yang paling ngga masuk diakal buat saya, tapi apa daya, kalau misalnya saya keliatan terlalu sering memakai satu outfit (yang menurut saya sudah kece badai cetar halilintar) nanti bisa-bisa tetangga-tetangga komentar "duh istrinya pak dokter masa bajunya itu-itu aja"--kan bete, karena pak suami dibawa-bawa.
Padahal ya, yang namanya Marie Kondo itu juga bajunya cuma beberapa aja. Kalau misalnya saya mau simpen 1-5 baju yang itu-itu aja, sisanya saya jual setelah 2-3 kali pakai kok rasanya sayang betul. Belum baju preloved biasanya harganya jatuh. Just saying, saya juga bukan tipikal yang rajin beli baju kok, tapi kalau beli baju untuk 1-2 occasion aja rasanya sayang-sayang uang betul. Tapi sekali lagi ya, saya pun menyerah pada lingkungan sosial *kemudian mengangkat tangan dan melambaikan kepada kamera*.
Jadi sebenarnya apa yang dibutuhkan untuk memulai minimalist living di Indonesia? Simpel, kita butuh mental dan keberanian. Keberanian untuk mendekap dompet erat-erat di musim sale dan lipen yang kita inginkan harganya mursida luar biasa dan mental untuk siap dicerca karena "gak punya apa-apa". Keberanian untuk bilang bahwa kita ngga perlu empat teko dengan warna yang berbeda, satu untuk teh, satu untuk kopi, satu untuk air dan satu lagi untuk sirup karena kita khawatir kalau dicampur-campur nanti rasa minumannya juga ikut kecampur. Keberanian untuk bilang ke pak suami kalau dia punya jatah 1 kardus saja untuk semua printilan non-fungsional yang ia bawa pulang dari kantor.
Terus kalau udah punya mentalnya? Gimana?
YA BERES-BERES DONG! *emosi*
Kalau kita sudah yakin bakal memulai minimalist living, kita perlu banget menyiapkan target untuk beres-beres, dan kita bisa membagi proses beres-beres yang heboh itu menjadi beberapa bagian, misalnya, minggu ini kita akan beres-beres baju, minggu depan beres-beres buku, dan seterusnya, dan semuanya akan selesai dalam lima minggu. Percaya deh, memenuhi target ini berat banget, makanya sebelum saya beres-beres saya sempat berkali-kali membaca ulang bukunya Marie Kondo supaya paham teknik membereskan rumah yang efektif.
Tapi kalau setelah saya resapi nih ya, satu-satunya teknik yang kamu butuhkan adalah niat dan fokus. Kalau kita mencoba beres-beres dalam posisi pikiran kemana-mana ya hasilnya bakal kemana-mana. Misalnya kalau kita beresin baju sambil mikirin makanan, ya ujung-ujungnya lari deh kita ke dapur dan beres-beresnya gak jadi dilanjutin. Kelar makan, eh udah keburu males, dan begitu seterusnya.
Dan jujur, proses beres-beres paling berat untuk saya itu ada di bagian miscellaneous junk yang penuh memori. Susah ya, membuang benda-benda pemberian dari mantan
Ya sebenarnya sih, kalau kita mikirnya 'nantinya', 'nantinya', dan 'nantinya' ya gak jadi-jadilah kita hidup minimalis. Makanya kita benar-benar harus menekankan mindset untuk bersih-bersih dalam kehidupan yang seutuhnya. Jadinya, meskipun furnitur dan printilan kita dirumah sudah minimalis tapi hati kita masih maksimalis.
Selepas beres-beres rumah, hal terpenting kedua adalah membereskan hati kita. Pernah ngga sih kita merasa hidup kita terlalu padat dan dipenuhi hal-hal yang sebenarnya kita butuhkan HANYA UNTUK EKSISTENSI?
Well, saya selalu menekankan pada diri saya, busy is not always equal productive, sibuk tidak selalu sama dengan produktif. Ini penting banget. Setiap saya melihat jadwal saya, saya bisa mengatakan saya orang yang sibuk, tapi saya juga ngga bisa bilang saya orang yang produktif. Kesibukan apa sih yang bisa saya cut dari hidup saya?
Ternyata setelah saya melakukan re-evaluasi terhadap kalender, banyak kok kesibukan yang bisa saya potong dari hidup saya. Contoh utamanya adalah nggosip dengan tetangga selepas sore hari, atau pergi ke arisan-arisan yang sebenarnya tidak terlalu saya sukai. Saya juga bisa memotong waktu saya didepan laptop dan bekerja. Saya masih bisa meluangkan waktu 10 menit untuk bermeditasi setiap harinya. And it's actually good for my soul.
Tapi saya juga paham, tidak semua orang bisa seperti ini, khususnya ibu-ibu yang sedang mengasuh anak balitanya. Setiap hari pasti full dengan jadwal bersama anak. Yang ingin saya tekankan adalah, semua orang perlu me-time. Yang bisa mengukur seberapa produktif kita, ya kita sendiri. Bukan orang lain. Mungkin bagi saya, produktif itu berarti bisa menyelesaikan puluhan task dalam sehari, sedangkan bagi ibu-ibu yang lain, produktif itu berarti bisa menghabiskan 12 jam bersama anak tanpa gangguan yang berarti. Sah-sah aja kok.
Karena minimalist living itu kan sebenarnya meminimalisir 'gangguan-gangguan' dari hidup kita supaya kita lebih happy dan lebih ceria. Jadi ini bukan hanya sekedar furnitur atau kalender, tapi juga bersih-bersih hati dan pikiran, gitu ibu-ibu.
Kalau soal tetangga, orang-orang di kiri dan di kanan, saya juga tidak mampu untuk bilang kita harus nyuekin mereka, karena di lingkungan saya pun jelas saya tidak bisa melakukannya. Tapi kalau kita bisa menjelaskan pelan-pelan kenapa kita 'berubah', maybe they'll came along too, who knows? gak ada yang tau kalau misalnya kita malah bisa menginspirasi mereka.
Jadi kapan kita mau mulai? Yuk saling support untuk memulai minimalist living sekarang!
Blogger Lifestyle dari yogyakarta, Indonesia yang hobi bikin konten gado-gado dan seringnya sih ngerjain konten orang lain makanya blog sendiri malah jarang keurus
.
Jumat, 16 September 2016
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diary /
friendship /
love & relationship /
stuff the duckter think on the toilet /
thoughts /
very personal
"I've never been happier to see you!"
Itulah kata-kata pertama yang keluar dari mulut saya kepada dua orang sahabat saya dan suami saya ketika saya melihat mereka sore ini.
PS: kalimat yang sama juga terucap didalam hati ketika saya bertemu salah satu profesor yang mata kuliahnya berhasil membuat saya jungkir balik belajar keras semester lalu.
Kok bisa?
Jadi hari ini, saya dan kedua teman saya, sebutlah W & D, pergi ke salah satu pusat perbelanjaan di Yogyakarta. Setelah puas nongkrong-nongkrong dan ngopi-ngopi maka kami pergi mencari kado untuk pak suami yang akan ulang tahun minggu depan. Saat kami berencana turun lewat eskalator, tiba-tiba persis dibelakang saya ada suara gaduh dan saya melihat ada besi jatuh dari atas di belakang kami.
Shock. Panik. Lutut super lemas karena kalau saya telat sedikit turun ke eskalator mungkin si besi akan mengenai kepala kami. Besinya kecil sih, tapi still... sukses bikin saya yang pengen skip cek EKG bulan ini membatalkan niat buruk tersebut. Sampai dibawah kami ditenangkan oleh staf salah satu tenant di pusat perbelanjaan itu.
Setelah lebih tenang, saya memutuskan untuk pindah ke toko sebelah yang merupakan toko interior dan furniture. Persis saat saya dan W sedang memilih-milih tempat make-up dari acrylic...
LAMPU MALL MENDADAK MATI. IT WAS PITCH BLACK. I ALMOST CRIED.
Baru juga mulai tenang, eh mendadak kaget lagi. untung teman-teman saya langsung memegang tangan saya dan menenangkan saya, lantas kami menyalakan senter dari handphone masing-masing dan mencari pintu keluar. Seorang security dari toko interior itu berusaha menenangkan kami. Beberapa saat kemudian lampu di toko itu menyala tapi tidak dengan lampu di bagian lain mall. Karena suasana yang ramai, suara penjelasan mengenai mati lampu dari intercom di pusat perbelanjaan itu juga jadi tidak terdengar lagi.
Asli, begitu lampu menyala, saya dan kedua teman saya langsung angkat kaki seribu langkah dari pusat perbelanjaan tersebut tanpa aiueo dan babibubebo (walaupun D sempat beli es teh kemanisan).
Jujur, pada saat lampu menyala dan saya melihat wajah teman-teman saya lagi... asli rasanya lega bercampur happy. Gak tau kenapa, kayak seolah-olah saya gak akan melihat wajah mereka lagi, but i still do anyway.
And I have never been this thankful before.
Kami pulang ke kampus dan kemudian saya menuju ke rumah. Pulang. Saya menyetir dengan tangan masih gemetar meskipun D sudah menenangkan saya selama hampir satu jam setengah di kampus.
Pak suami membuka pagar pintu rumah. Saya parkir dan turun. Dan disitulah pertama kalinya saya melihat wajah pria yang sudah menjadi bagian dari hidup saya selama dua tahun terakhir dengan perspektif yang berbeda.
Biasanya saya melihat pak suami dengan tatapan biasa saja. Masuk kerumah dengan biasa saja. Bercerita dengan biasa saja. Hari ini ada sedikit keharuan disitu karena saya masih bisa melihat dia. Setiap malam sebelum tidur kami selalu mengucap syukur atas apa yang terjadi hari itu, dan hari ini ucapan syukur kami sedikit berbeda. Ada perasaan yang berbeda disitu. Entah apa, saya tidak bisa mendeskripsikannya dengan kata-kata.
Dalam dua tahun ini saya sudah berkali-kali hampir dipanggil sama Yang Maha Kuasa. Salah satunya saya ceritakan disini, saat mobil saya hampir menabrak tabung gas elpiji yang nggelinding di jalan raya, dan masih banyak yang tidak saya ceritakan di blog, misalnya saat mobil saya hampir nabrak truk yang memuat (lagi-lagi) elpiji yang ngerem mendadak, atau saat saya jatuh terguling di pinggir kali saat mengajak anjing saya jalan-jalan, atau saat malam-malam mobil saya 'dipepet' segerombolan pemuda bermotor yang akhirnya mengurungkan niatnya setelah saya membelokkan diri ke kompleks milik militer, dan masih banyak lagi.
Setelah dipikir-pikir lagi, saya memang kurang bersyukur. Mungkin ini memang teguran Tuhan supaya saya lebih mensyukuri karunianya, karena tak jarang kalimat "aku ingin mati saja" keluar dari bibir ini tanpa rem. Apalagi kalau deadline lagi rusuh, biasanya kalimat itu muncul tanpa tedeng aling-aling.
D hari ini berkata pada saya, "kowe ncen hampir ciloko cik, njuk tapi nek kowe sing crito, critone dadi ndagel, dadi ra medeni. wong koyo kowe matine angel, tenang wae cik," (kamu tuh hampir celaka cik, tapi kalau kamu yang cerita, ceritanya jadi lawakan, jadi gak serem. orang kaya kamu matinya susah, tenang aja cik)
Iya sih, mungkin Tuhan juga bete nungguin saya bertobat jadi kadang-kadang 'prosesnya' agak dipercepat dengan kejadian-kejadian ajaib. Ya, cerita saya hampir kejatuhan besi dan panik pas mati lampu juga akhirnya menjadi dagelan diantara teman-teman saya (eventhough I'm damn pissed with the mall)
Well, I am thankful to be alive and well.
Because I'll See You Later on My Next Post.
Blogger Lifestyle dari yogyakarta, Indonesia yang hobi bikin konten gado-gado dan seringnya sih ngerjain konten orang lain makanya blog sendiri malah jarang keurus
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Minggu, 15 Mei 2016
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dating advice /
diary /
thoughts /
very personal /
wedding
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| Picture taken by Retina Production |
There's a reason why I get married in my early 20s. When I was diagnosed with endometriosis and hormonal imbalance that requires me to regularly check my hormone level, I was dumbfounded. A quick google search about how my menstruation came every 5 months or so shows me that obgyn visit is a must. After 4 years, my menstruation cycle shifted from 5 months to 3 months, but it still made conceiving very hard. I went to several doctors looking for answer and most of them said, it'll be very difficult for me to conceive, yet if I could, my menstrual problems will go away on its own.
Enough to say that I was so scared beyond beliefs--because: a) I was an only child, and seeing my mom and dad holding my cousins' babies hurts my feelings and my ego and, b) I'm afraid of commitment & affection.
For those who knows me very well, I'm a stubborn & workaholic. My work hours consists of almost 20 hours of going places and thinking hard for the sake of my clients--the worst part? I enjoyed them. Working keeps my sanity despite of my health. Plus, with my payroll on the clock, some extra cash to burn is a very enjoyable benefit.
I had some traumatic experience with love on my adolescent days that left me scarred that I didn't let people touch me that easy. I'm still dating, but not with the intention of being serious. Boys broke my heart and I had to rebuild my trust each time I go out. I let my last ex cheat on me multiple times and toyed with our 3,5 years worth of relatioship just because I think I wasn't worth enough to come home to.
The scariest thing about committing to a relationship is that you dealt with this other people. You dealt with feelings, needs, and wants. You had to trust, learn and fight for the rest of your life. Plus, there were this part where sex is involved. I'm just not ready for everything.
In Indonesian society, having kids right after married is a norm. Don't get me wrong, I want kids. I'm just not sure I can conceive one. Each and each time I went to Hormone Therapy, I broke down. I felt useless and incomplete as a woman. My friend used to point out that it is funny how a strong willed, independent career woman, still cried because she can't conceive. Maybe, most people had forgotten that below our hard shells, we are still a little girl by heart.
Then I met this special guy who thinks my condition is just a butter to a bread that is me. He's simple, down to earth and very humble. He's smart. He taught me to laugh unconditionally. The day I told him that I might not be able to conceive, he smiled and said kids or no kids, we'll still be happy together.
At times, even after my marriage, I still refused to be touched or kissed or hugged. I cried when I remembered certain details that made me felt traumatic and used, and he'll tell me that everything had passed. My darkest days are over. When I finish my sets of hormone pills, I will turn into this raging-cold-heart-b*tch, yet he stays. It's amazing how he dealt with me without violence, even after years of dating & months of marriage.
People often commented about our social standing and academic status. That is okay, because I know that I will be very proud to have our kids turn out just like him. Beside, I didn't felt used in any ways. He tried his best to provide for our little family, and he still needs to cope with my sets of dramas and problems every day.
Those who doesn't understands thought I'm marrying someone purely because they ask me to.
Those who understands saw a girl who found out that despite of her shortcomings, she still deserves some love.
Blogger Lifestyle dari yogyakarta, Indonesia yang hobi bikin konten gado-gado dan seringnya sih ngerjain konten orang lain makanya blog sendiri malah jarang keurus
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Senin, 25 Januari 2016
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completely unrelated to love and wedding /
diary /
very personal
Ok the title is very hyperbolic, i know, but what I'm going to share with you is one reflection of what happened 2 nights ago while i was driving home.
My friend, TF, came to visit the town while he was in a business meeting, so we decided to gather round, eating out and having a nice Saturday night with the folks. I drove him home around 9 PM and I went home. As usual, I put my boyfriend on my car speaker while I was driving because listening him babbling about his job is 100x better than the local radio, and usually I sang or whatnot, but I'm not. I was kind of focused on driving.
The main road was filled with heavy traffic so I decided to take an alternative route--which I take almost everyday. This alternative road was dimly lit (i guess it's budget cuts on electricity) and yet was very empty. There are only a few motorbike ahead of me and not a lot of car. Then there's this one motorbike with two person on it that carried a 3kg liquified petroleum gas cylinder whom was around 10 meters in front of my car. Now, this is a regular view in my town since 3kg gas cylinder is common for household needs, but this bike, instead of carrying it by hand, he decided to put the gas under his feet. And you know what, the gas cylinder rolled out of the bike, straight into the road and into my car.
I hit my brake hard, I screamed, a few bikes behind me hit the rear of my car. I almost threw up my dinner and my boyfriend, who was on the other side of the phone heard my scream and the sound of my car being hit. I open my window and found out that the gas is only 5 centimeters away from my tire which means if I was late hitting my brake for a few seconds, I could hit the gas, and something even more worse could happened. there could be an explosion.
sadly the bikes that hit my car and the bike who were neglect to secure their gas cylinders were all running away. and i was left shaken in the middle of the road unable to drive.
I stopped along the way because my asthma came back, rendered me unfazed and shaken beyond recognition. My boyfriend called my brother right away telling me that i have been in an accident. In a matter of minutes, everyone starts checking up on me. Then I went and telling this to my social media friends as a kind reminder of why you should secure everything you put on your bike.
If only i was a second late; there might been casualties.
I might've died.
People who ride near me might died and injured.
As I am still too weak to drive my car right now--maybe I got a PTSD or maybe i'm just being a drama queen, but seriously I'm still scared and tremble every time I tried to drive my car-- I took this time to personally reflect on my life.
after all, writing is the best healer for souls.
Blogger Lifestyle dari yogyakarta, Indonesia yang hobi bikin konten gado-gado dan seringnya sih ngerjain konten orang lain makanya blog sendiri malah jarang keurus
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Minggu, 27 September 2015
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diary /
thoughts /
very personal
it's been a year since your 24th birthday, the day when I forced myself to wake up at 4AM, drive to your home bearing cupcakes and birthday gift. this year, i forced myself to wake up even more earlier just to send you a video that I assembled for hours because you're 500km plus an island away.
I watch you grow. I watch you became the man that has a sparkly eyes. That doesn't fake his laughs anymore. That stopped wasting his time just because he feel like he doesn't want to struggle anymore. I watch you re-emerged from the life you often referred as "hell". I watch you finding a purpose to life rather than solemnly living for nothing.
Last year, I was looking with a man with a blank stare and no life in his eyes. When questioned about the future, he will simply say "my (insert relatives/family member/ex-gf/friends) says there's an opening in the (insert government agency/pharmacy companies/foreign farms) so maybe I'm going to apply". When questioned about his relationship with anybody he will simply say, "I haven't got the slightest idea how to really bond with anyone". When questioned about his family he will simply state that his family had their own needs that they need to attend to.
The very first month into our relationship, I saw an abusive, wreck-job kind of man who is trying to serve his purpose on keep breathing. I saw a man who neglects himself, rarely eats, never wash his car, without any penny on his pocket to spend. I saw someone who were asking for help.
Imagine living with someone who were trapped in his own darkest corner of his world, and all you're trying to do is bringing candles because you don't even have a light on you.
Day by day, I forced him to go out with his friends and enjoy a night out. Forced him to go to his relatives and family members to get to know their better side. Forced him to study (by asking too many questions about his field of work). Forced him to understand that everybody has feelings, and feelings were something we attend to. Teaching him to care about other people were as hard as teaching a 4 years old calculus.
One day he asked me, whether or not he should be a government workers.
I asked him back what he really wants with his life.
And he said, rather than being a government worker, right now he wants to use his profession to save lives. then he tells the story of how people around him kind of pressed him to enter the government worker employment exams.
And I said, do what you think is best for you. do what will make you proud of yourself.
Not because i don't want him to be a government workers, but rather because you can never get in between a man and his dream.
A year later, i feel like it's been paid off. I saw a glow in his eyes when he talk about his job. I saw his better version of himself when he started caring about others. The abusive wreck job that I knew was replaced by this kind, full of smile, selfless and sincere guy I don't even know. But I'm really happy to know him. And everytime I saw this guy with a smile, talking about how he saves lives everyday, I feel really proud of him. Proud that he finally found something that he can be proud of. Something that will bring joy to his life.
everybody has a past. everybody will have trials and tribulations.
F Scott Fitzgerald says:
For what it's worth: it's never too late to be whoever you want to be
I hope you live a life you're proud of,
And, if you find that you're not,
I hope you have the strength to start over.
Happy birthday.
Blogger Lifestyle dari yogyakarta, Indonesia yang hobi bikin konten gado-gado dan seringnya sih ngerjain konten orang lain makanya blog sendiri malah jarang keurus
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Jumat, 28 Agustus 2015
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stuff the duckter think on the toilet /
thoughts /
tips from the duckter /
very personal
[disclaimer; I wrote this not to scare you guys from buying a house, but merely sharing my experiences and get some of my point across. Buying and having your own house in your 20s is totally cool and awesome. But then, there's a lot of things goes behind the scene that most of you won't even realized now that it's there]
Most of my friends will hate me for saying this. Afterall, the best investments around here is still properties; house, lands, apartments, you named it. So, in just a few months after my 20th birthday, I bought a house. A small cute home near an airport, 15 minutes from the city by car and 10 minutes by bike (traffic jams ftw); 7.5 meters times 12 meters. Three bedrooms, two bathrooms. Perfect for a small family, too big for a 20 years old.
I paid quite a fortune for this house, and it's under my name. It's a sign of significant success from my workplace (I earned quite a lot as an account executive). My parents also donate me a huge sum for me to be able to have the house repainted and renovated a bit since the contractor did a lousy job on the house.
Most of my friends (which is around my age) were envious with the revelation that I already had my own home. After they graduate from college two years later, some came to me asking for a few tips on managing the household, as they just apply for a mortgage.
The thing is, two years later; I (slightly) regret(-ish) my decision on buying a house.
***
People think that owning properties makes you a great investor, that you have invest on something you could sell or rent later. Now this is where most people are wrong.
Once you buy a house, you get comfortable and settling down, you get attached. You don't want to sell the properties because you thought the price could get higher and higher with each day goes by. You think that "this house is my accomplishment, I won't sell until I get the right price".
Then you started living in it, on your first month you pay for electricity and water you realized you can save a lot more by not turning on the air conditioner. Then you realized it's hot as hell. In the rainy season, it feels better (I save 40% more money on rainy season because of this) but in Jogja, in the middle august, it feels like you're living in the middle of the Gobi. It doesn't help that your place doesn't really have a lot of big trees as a shade because tree leaves are troublesome and you have to rake it up every evening.
You then realized that there were ants and mosquitos. You constantly battling your food vs ants and the winner, you can guess: it's the ants. You can't leave food recklessly and had to stay clean, and cleaning a house everyday is a chore when you got 9 to 5 job in your hand already.
Then you realized that you have to pay for taxes! As every year goes by, your house started to deteriorate and need maintenances, but the taxes keep bubbling, and you hate the government so hard for making you pay for a mere shelter. The house maintenance itself were always a pain in the arse as something is always not right, when you think you can relax, the water from the tap starts leaking, there will be lightbulbs that needed replacement, your cable tv not working, your internet not working, such and such.
Well, when you think it's over, came your neighborhood watch. You pay for security, trash pick-up service, and a few neighborhood fundraising you have to attend or your neighbors will start talking about you behind their back. Sometimes even if you attend and help out they will still talking about you behind your back. Nobody is to be trusted these days (although I have a few amazing neighbors whom I'd do anything for them, just as they'll do anything for me).
You then realize everything that has a price tags keeps getting more expensive. There's phone bills, electricity, water, internet, cable tv, and at first you'll think "oh i won't need cable tv" then you realized that you need that form of entertainment after long days at work and the local channel were not as entertaining anymore. Then you'll say "broadband internet? a 3G/4G modem will do since my office had a good internet" and then you realize the cable tv came with broadband internet and it's so much cheaper you only have to add a few more thousand rupiahs to it, and there you are swayed by the power of advertising only to realized that their connection sucks and you have to spend time waiting for technicians to take care of them.
But then people always say this to me; when I got married, I don't have to worry where will I live with my husband, I got it all sorted out.
No you're wrong.
My carport were so small that it fits only one car and one or two motorbike. Both of us were driving. Imagined how we scrambled to fight for the rights on using the carports.
You then realized your significant others consume just as much electricity, water and phone as you. And it's time where you share the bills, but somehow you want everything to go with your way and don't want to compromise. Sharing the bills means you compromise in how long you get to use the phone and the goddamn air conditioner (without the AC I will be only paying 1/3 of what I paid each month, seriously) and you don't want that privileges taken away from you. But on the other hand you're happy to have someone so handy at home that could save you money from calling maintenance technicians.
Then you start comparing your expenses and it's a lot bigger than when you still renting. And you were swayed to rent again and sell your house, but then you already have too much furnitures and love the house (because it's your accomplishment, remember?)
***
Having a house has its own perks and downside. I was lucky that I get to learn this at such young age, So hopefully by sharing this experience with you, you can consider what will you need to make that house your home. Because buying a real house, needs a lot of consideration and weighing every options that you have. Be smart and be wise.
In this economy a lot of things could happen. Mortgage can rises, property prices bubbled up and then went south. There's more to investment than just lands and houses. If you think you are not ready to managed a house of your own, think again, you might be right. But if you think you are capable of doing so on your own, go ahead. It's always good to have somewhere where you can cool off privately.
Much love from the duck-chess.
Blogger Lifestyle dari yogyakarta, Indonesia yang hobi bikin konten gado-gado dan seringnya sih ngerjain konten orang lain makanya blog sendiri malah jarang keurus
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Kamis, 27 Agustus 2015
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completely unrelated to love and wedding /
diary /
friendship /
very personal
Dearest B.
I know I should've talk to you in person, I'll do it if I could. I'll swam across the ocean. I'll drive for months. I'll walk for miles. I'll do everything in my power if I could, sadly, this has been bigger than me.
I missed those long days where you, H and I were sitting on your porch talking about dreams from a junior highschooler perspective. How you will be a news anchor, H will be a CEO of a diamond company and how I will be a fashion designer. Everything we knew as perfect, is those afternoons with lemon teas and shorts and our nokia phones.
I missed those birthday parties we threw for each other, those very small and sloppy cake we bake on H's oven. Those foods that I snuck off my brother's secret stash. Those laughters that three pre-teens shared over smallest things like my untamed frizzy hair or your first pimple. We were quite a team and we know it.
I regret every single day I spend on not answering your call. I regret every time I hit that red button and just threw my phone to the side. I regret every fucking goddamned time I didn't try to ask you what's wrong. That's my ego, that's where I'm wrong and that's when everything going downhill for us.
I was a selfish teenager with an ego. You and H are far more beautiful and smarter than me. I don't have even the smallest confidence when we walked together to our tutors. I was this girl with greasy hair, thick glasses, acnes and I don't think there's anyone out there having the slightest interest at me. Until today, it always is like that. Between the three of us, you're the one who were carrying the nuclear bomb inside of you, yet you're always the most calm, glowing and radiant. And that's how I always remember you.
You're a person with flaws. I get it. Sometimes I re-read your last letters, asking for our understanding that we've treated you like you're an alien. You got it wrong. We never treated you like an alien. It's just that it feels good for once having the attention for myself. It feels good that for once, I'm the one that people asked for and not you. And this is my fault. I just hope that you find it in your heart to forgive me for my selfishness.
You are a very beautiful and strong person. It's just that you forget the strong part sometimes.
You never once complained about your life. And it's our fault for not remembering that you got it harder than us.
I cried on your funeral. The first time in years I cried like I've been scolded really hard by an unseen powers. That it's the first time I truly lost a friend, and lost a beautiful friendship we had since we were so little. Losing a friend is the worst feeling I've ever felt so far.
Maybe that's why I kept having this second thought about being very social. Because life sometimes filled with backstabbers and it's so hard to keep track of a very loyal friend.
Of all my entire life, I partially spent it blaming myself for losing a friend like you. And you blamed yourself for all the pain we have caused you.
After facing too many deaths of a loved ones I finally realize that there were some things that were left unsaid. Most of it were not the voice of anger or disappointment but rather the voice of love. Chinese people believed that this is the gui yue. The hungry ghost month where the soul of your families, friends and loved ones roam the earth for a month. I just hoped that this will be enough to give you some peace up there.
Our life has been different since you left. H moved to Sydney and then get married and stay in Brisbane. I was her maid of honor. It sucks that I'm not able to see her sooner since now she's following her husband jetsetting around. D is an aspired filmmakers trying to met his end meets in L.A, he's still the old D. O already had a daughter few years back, she looks very pretty. K... well K is nowhere to be seen. I heard she just graduated.
And Me? I'm still insecure of how I look like. Still doesn't understand why the world goes around. Still asking for you every time I visit your grave to forgive me, and now I'm asking the same things I've been asking for years, to forgive me for being such a lousy friend. I had hoped you heard and understand my feelings. I hope the afterlife offers lemon tea, and we can visit each other's porches even after both of us had no longer linger in this world.
If you happened to have time,
Love, J.
Blogger Lifestyle dari yogyakarta, Indonesia yang hobi bikin konten gado-gado dan seringnya sih ngerjain konten orang lain makanya blog sendiri malah jarang keurus
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