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  • Agi Tiara Pranoto

    Agi Tiara Pranoto

    Seorang Blogger Indonesia yang berdomisili di Yogyakarta. Selain menulis, dia juga sangat hobi bermain game FPS. Cita-citanya adalah mendapatkan passive income sehingga tidak perlu bekerja di kantor, apa daya selama cita-cita itu belum tercapai, dia harus menikmati hari-harinya sebagai mediator kesehatan.
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    Okay, i know lah the journal isn't related to the topic, but then it looks good and I need picture. PS: it's really good, you should read it. It's about how you can't run a nation like you run a fortune 500 company.

    I've spent most of my life in Indonesia as I am a native to the vast archipelago and the beautiful countryside. Life is more beautiful when you can spend a dollar for three-course meals a day and still save a few cents for the drink. I ate and breathe indonesian food as much i love chinese food. I went to a frigging law school and studied Indonesian Law for God's sake.

    My dad used to tell me this every dinner; as we have a lot of people in our nation, the only way to govern so much brains and so many thoughts is by military government. He's passionate about the New Order government, and hates the current 'reformed' government. Basically, he's a conservative and believe that someone should take the stern stand to govern and rule the people. 

    I am less inclined to agree with him. I am a liberalist. I believe in freedom of speech and democracy. Although we're not yet a great nation we used to be, we're going there. 30+ years of an era had led us astray and when this whole 'reformed' thing goes up, we went down in chaos trying to throw everything 'new order' out of the window. 

    So therefore, I love this country. I have faith in my nation and in the ideology it brings. I have faith in the extra-delicious nasi padang & bakwan malang. My hate of this country stems from something else.

    Recently, there were series of rape cases unfolded all around Indonesia. It unfolds with the Yuyun case. The case got very little coverage in the media until feminist groups in Indonesia held a vigil for the tragic death. Yuyun was 14 years old at the time, and was gang-raped then left to death after raped multiple times. It was then implied that she died during the rape.

    The reactions from the general public was apalling as it was terrifying; some blame the freaking gang-rape to the victim.

    "it is her fault she walks alone at night in such dark places"
    "if girls cover their aurat this won't happened"
    "girls should not go out at night"

    i mean, what the actual f**k is this. a girl walks home at night with no light because she had no money and access to a better road from school. why the f**k nobody blames the electricity company for providing insufficient light? why the f**k nobody blames the social worker for not providing her a better home? why the f**k nobody blames the national construction service for not building a better road?

    I mean, life in Indonesia sucks if you don't have money and access to the world. Why the hell are you blaming people for not having money and privilege?

    And slowly another rape/gang-rape/murder unveiled. Some hasn't been solved yet, some had the perpetrators locked up, and some... well, some went unnoticed. Some activist said, in 2016 alone, there were 44 women killed in the hands of men, including 7 teenagers.

    This is not because they wore skimpy clothes or walk alone at night. This is because criminal activities does happened and sometimes it runs rampant among our neighborhood. This is because we socially punished our victims. This because we didn't recognized catcalling as a sexual harrasment. This is because we didn't regard women having the same power and the same abilities as men to protect themselves.

    For a nations so diverse, we often forget that we're born from the same kind of womb. We often forget to hold regards our mother and our grandmother, for without them we will never born in this world.

    We often judged characters based on what we see, involving our emotions and our narrow mind on the process, without considering what happened on the other side of the coin. We often hypersexualized ourselves just to get recognition of the general public. Hell, who the f**k hasn't been dressed up at least once to please someone else's taste? We all do. All of it because we're not realizing what's at stake here.

    A woman's honest mistake becomes a stigma for other women.
    Let's say one prostitutes dressed in a very skimpy clothing, then all women in skimpy clothing turns into prostitutes in public's eyes.
    This is wrong. But this is what happened here in Indonesia.
    In the 90s catcalling might been the best way to flirt, but in the 2016 it should've been regarded as sexual harrasment because they meant different things back in the day.
    We're too afraid to teach sex-ed in primary school, we're too afraid to embrace the nature of procreating because of the culture, religion and the taboo. Instead we sheltered those curious minds and repressed them in a way that they exploded fast during their rebellious teenagehood.

    Aren't we all to blame here?
    Lost of lives in the hand of ignorant mass.

    And dear, this is why I hate Indonesia. All of us has our fair share of dirt and responsibilities that shaped our country this way. But then, most of us had stop caring from a long time ago, until it kills us, until it kills our family, until it kills our loved ones.

    Let's reflect and think about it. 
    . Rabu, 25 Mei 2016 .

    Stuff We Think on The Toilet #006: My Love-Hate Relationships with Indonesia

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    . Rabu, 25 Mei 2016 .



    Okay, i know lah the journal isn't related to the topic, but then it looks good and I need picture. PS: it's really good, you should read it. It's about how you can't run a nation like you run a fortune 500 company.

    I've spent most of my life in Indonesia as I am a native to the vast archipelago and the beautiful countryside. Life is more beautiful when you can spend a dollar for three-course meals a day and still save a few cents for the drink. I ate and breathe indonesian food as much i love chinese food. I went to a frigging law school and studied Indonesian Law for God's sake.

    My dad used to tell me this every dinner; as we have a lot of people in our nation, the only way to govern so much brains and so many thoughts is by military government. He's passionate about the New Order government, and hates the current 'reformed' government. Basically, he's a conservative and believe that someone should take the stern stand to govern and rule the people. 

    I am less inclined to agree with him. I am a liberalist. I believe in freedom of speech and democracy. Although we're not yet a great nation we used to be, we're going there. 30+ years of an era had led us astray and when this whole 'reformed' thing goes up, we went down in chaos trying to throw everything 'new order' out of the window. 

    So therefore, I love this country. I have faith in my nation and in the ideology it brings. I have faith in the extra-delicious nasi padang & bakwan malang. My hate of this country stems from something else.

    Recently, there were series of rape cases unfolded all around Indonesia. It unfolds with the Yuyun case. The case got very little coverage in the media until feminist groups in Indonesia held a vigil for the tragic death. Yuyun was 14 years old at the time, and was gang-raped then left to death after raped multiple times. It was then implied that she died during the rape.

    The reactions from the general public was apalling as it was terrifying; some blame the freaking gang-rape to the victim.

    "it is her fault she walks alone at night in such dark places"
    "if girls cover their aurat this won't happened"
    "girls should not go out at night"

    i mean, what the actual f**k is this. a girl walks home at night with no light because she had no money and access to a better road from school. why the f**k nobody blames the electricity company for providing insufficient light? why the f**k nobody blames the social worker for not providing her a better home? why the f**k nobody blames the national construction service for not building a better road?

    I mean, life in Indonesia sucks if you don't have money and access to the world. Why the hell are you blaming people for not having money and privilege?

    And slowly another rape/gang-rape/murder unveiled. Some hasn't been solved yet, some had the perpetrators locked up, and some... well, some went unnoticed. Some activist said, in 2016 alone, there were 44 women killed in the hands of men, including 7 teenagers.

    This is not because they wore skimpy clothes or walk alone at night. This is because criminal activities does happened and sometimes it runs rampant among our neighborhood. This is because we socially punished our victims. This because we didn't recognized catcalling as a sexual harrasment. This is because we didn't regard women having the same power and the same abilities as men to protect themselves.

    For a nations so diverse, we often forget that we're born from the same kind of womb. We often forget to hold regards our mother and our grandmother, for without them we will never born in this world.

    We often judged characters based on what we see, involving our emotions and our narrow mind on the process, without considering what happened on the other side of the coin. We often hypersexualized ourselves just to get recognition of the general public. Hell, who the f**k hasn't been dressed up at least once to please someone else's taste? We all do. All of it because we're not realizing what's at stake here.

    A woman's honest mistake becomes a stigma for other women.
    Let's say one prostitutes dressed in a very skimpy clothing, then all women in skimpy clothing turns into prostitutes in public's eyes.
    This is wrong. But this is what happened here in Indonesia.
    In the 90s catcalling might been the best way to flirt, but in the 2016 it should've been regarded as sexual harrasment because they meant different things back in the day.
    We're too afraid to teach sex-ed in primary school, we're too afraid to embrace the nature of procreating because of the culture, religion and the taboo. Instead we sheltered those curious minds and repressed them in a way that they exploded fast during their rebellious teenagehood.

    Aren't we all to blame here?
    Lost of lives in the hand of ignorant mass.

    And dear, this is why I hate Indonesia. All of us has our fair share of dirt and responsibilities that shaped our country this way. But then, most of us had stop caring from a long time ago, until it kills us, until it kills our family, until it kills our loved ones.

    Let's reflect and think about it. 
    . Kamis, 28 Januari 2016 .


    i don't let so many people into my life and called them friends. it's not easy for me to begin a relationship, although from the outside i looked very welcoming. it's not easy for me to take pictures with myself in it, calling it 'photos with my friends'. that's how thick the wall is. I always carefully draw the lines. 

    recently, i found out one of my so-called friend has violated my trust. it kinda breaks my heart. i should've been angry, but i'm not. i'm just sad. 

    i'm sad that in the world filled with people and smiles, you were only left with a good few. 
    i'm sad that it's so hard for me to trust yet it's so easy for people to broke it. 
    i'm sad that no matter what happened, i couldn't call her 'a friend' anymore. 

    i should've been angry, but i'm not. 
    . Senin, 25 Januari 2016 .

    Ok the title is very hyperbolic, i know, but what I'm going to share with you is one reflection of what happened 2 nights ago while i was driving home. 

    My friend, TF, came to visit the town while he was in a business meeting, so we decided to gather round, eating out and having a nice Saturday night with the folks. I drove him home around 9 PM and I went home. As usual, I put my boyfriend on my car speaker while I was driving because listening him babbling about his job is 100x better than the local radio, and usually I sang or whatnot, but I'm not. I was kind of focused on driving.

    The main road was filled with heavy traffic so I decided to take an alternative route--which I take almost everyday. This alternative road was dimly lit (i guess it's budget cuts on electricity) and yet was very empty. There are only a few motorbike ahead of me and not a lot of car. Then there's this one motorbike with two person on it that carried a 3kg liquified petroleum gas cylinder whom was around 10 meters in front of my car. Now, this is a regular view in my town since 3kg gas cylinder is common for household needs, but this bike, instead of carrying it by hand, he decided to put the gas under his feet. And you know what, the gas cylinder rolled out of the bike, straight into the road and into my car.

    I hit my brake hard, I screamed, a few bikes behind me hit the rear of my car. I almost threw up my dinner and my boyfriend, who was on the other side of the phone heard my scream and the sound of my car being hit. I open my window and found out that the gas is only 5 centimeters away from my tire which means if I was late hitting my brake for a few seconds, I could hit the gas, and something even more worse could happened. there could be an explosion. 

    sadly the bikes that hit my car and the bike who were neglect to secure their gas cylinders were all running away. and i was left shaken in the middle of the road unable to drive. 

    I stopped along the way because my asthma came back, rendered me unfazed and shaken beyond recognition. My boyfriend called my brother right away telling me that i have been in an accident. In a matter of minutes, everyone starts checking up on me. Then I went and telling this to my social media friends as a kind reminder of why you should secure everything you put on your bike. 

    If only i was a second late; there might been casualties. 
    I might've died.
    People who ride near me might died and injured. 

    As I am still too weak to drive my car right now--maybe I got a PTSD or maybe i'm just being a drama queen, but seriously I'm still scared and tremble every time I tried to drive my car-- I took this time to personally reflect on my life. 

    after all, writing is the best healer for souls.
    . Kamis, 27 Agustus 2015 .

    Dearest B.

    I know I should've talk to you in person, I'll do it if I could. I'll swam across the ocean. I'll drive for months. I'll walk for miles. I'll do everything in my power if I could, sadly, this has been bigger than me. 

    I missed those long days where you, H and I were sitting on your porch talking about dreams from a junior highschooler perspective. How you will be a news anchor, H will be a CEO of a diamond company and how I will be a fashion designer. Everything we knew as perfect, is those afternoons with lemon teas and shorts and our nokia phones.

    I missed those birthday parties we threw for each other, those very small and sloppy cake we bake on H's oven. Those foods that I snuck off my brother's secret stash. Those laughters that three pre-teens shared over smallest things like my untamed frizzy hair or your first pimple. We were quite a team and we know it.

    I regret every single day I spend on not answering your call. I regret every time I hit that red button and just threw my phone to the side. I regret every fucking goddamned time I didn't try to ask you what's wrong. That's my ego, that's where I'm wrong and that's when everything going downhill for us.

    I was a selfish teenager with an ego. You and H are far more beautiful and smarter than me. I don't have even the smallest confidence when we walked together to our tutors. I was this girl with greasy hair, thick glasses, acnes and I don't think there's anyone out there having the slightest interest at me. Until today, it always is like that. Between the three of us, you're the one who were carrying the nuclear bomb inside of you, yet you're always the most calm, glowing and radiant. And that's how I always remember you.

    You're a person with flaws. I get it. Sometimes I re-read your last letters, asking for our understanding that we've treated you like you're an alien. You got it wrong. We never treated you like an alien. It's just that it feels good for once having the attention for myself. It feels good that for once, I'm the one that people asked for and not you. And this is my fault. I just hope that you find it in your heart to forgive me for my selfishness.

    You are a very beautiful and strong person. It's just that you forget the strong part sometimes.
    You never once complained about your life. And it's our fault for not remembering that you got it harder than us.

    I cried on your funeral. The first time in years I cried like I've been scolded really hard by an unseen powers. That it's the first time I truly lost a friend, and lost a beautiful friendship we had since we were so little. Losing a friend is the worst feeling I've ever felt so far.

    Maybe that's why I kept having this second thought about being very social. Because life sometimes filled with backstabbers and it's so hard to keep track of a very loyal friend.
    Of all my entire life, I partially spent it blaming myself for losing a friend like you. And you blamed yourself for all the pain we have caused you. 

    After facing too many deaths of a loved ones I finally realize that there were some things that were left unsaid. Most of it were not the voice of anger or disappointment but rather the voice of love. Chinese people believed that this is the gui yue. The hungry ghost month where the soul of your families, friends and loved ones roam the earth for a month. I just hoped that this will be enough to give you some peace up there.

    Our life has been different since you left. H moved to Sydney and then get married and stay in Brisbane. I was her maid of honor. It sucks that I'm not able to see her sooner since now she's following her husband jetsetting around. D is an aspired filmmakers trying to met his end meets in L.A, he's still the old D. O already had a daughter few years back, she looks very pretty. K... well K is nowhere to be seen. I heard she just graduated. 

    And Me? I'm still insecure of how I look like. Still doesn't understand why the world goes around. Still asking for you every time I visit your grave to forgive me, and now I'm asking the same things I've been asking for years, to forgive me for being such a lousy friend. I had hoped you heard and understand my feelings. I hope the afterlife offers lemon tea, and we can visit each other's porches even after both of us had no longer linger in this world.

    If you happened to have time, 
    Love, J.
    . Sabtu, 22 Agustus 2015 .

    hola amigos! summer holiday is almost over and unfortunately i have some good news and some bad news.
    the good news is: i am accepted in a grad school. I'm taking my master on healthcare law! Finally!!! after 4 years of undergraduate study majoring business law and working as a branding consultant part time I'm finally here. This is a huge step.

    the bad news is: I'm not ready yet. 

    Well, I mean, nobody is ready for their dreams when their dreams is about to become true. I bet Kurt Cobain wasn't ready for his stardom when he became the person who shaped grunge and the 90s. I bet Mark Zuckerberg wasn't ready when facebook became the #2 website in the face of the earth (with the #1 being google, of course).

    My dream as shallow as it was started here. And it's happening right now. A very expensive dream with an equally expensive tuition. Well, it's not that I couldn't pay for grad school, fortunately I was blessed with education savings that my parents had set up for me a long time ago (and most of my pocket money and allowance goes here) since I was dreaming of Yale, but well, long story short, I decided to enrolled at my alma mater. 

    Oh God I'm so nervous. 

    This is like a dream, I mean well, for starter I'm the first in my family that were in law school and I probably has set some example for my younger cousins, nephews and nieces. Like, life is not just medical school and business school. I'm their role models now. If I succeed in law school, and majoring on some "hocus pocus" law they've never heard before (yes, most people doesn't know that there are healthcare law in Indonesia) chances are they will follow my footsteps. If I'm not succeeded (or at least not succeeded enough by my family ridiculous standards) well, I'll be damn for the rest of my life and let my struggle become a joke on its own.

    Truth is, I don't even know what to prepare. I'm still this 22 years old that looked like a clueless highschooler. I love my baggy jeans and my comfy t-shirt that i wear for class (even though it's forbidden) but now in grad school, i don't even know how should I look like. this is killing me. I can't even plan what I'm going to wear accordingly.

    Plus everything is so sudden, they just gave me the letter of acceptance last wednesday night, and next monday i'll be taking my almamater coat and have my first lecture in tuesday! 

    Now, it's the end of the month and fortunately I have my leftover stationery so I don't have to buy a new one, but for those who were from outside the region, I can't imagine how they could find housings and school stuffs in less than a week (insert sad face here).

    So here i am trying to figure out what to wear and what to bring and do we get an orientation week, where will i have my class, and such and such. I haven't even got my hands on a syllabus and can't predict what books to buy. 

    This is it. The new chapter has just begin.
    . Sabtu, 25 Juli 2015 .

    When I was a kid, around the age of 10 or 11, my father show me the picture of him with his fellow friends hunting. Hunting wasn't exactly the kind sport that I like (because no matter how much I hate boars, I can't even imagine having to kill one), but I was fascinated with the gun that they use. My father, being the ultra-protective father that he always is, refuse to teach me how to use that gun. Later on, when I was in junior highschool, my school had this program where they sent us to live in a military base, where they taught us a little something about guns. I was so fascinated yet I know I can't hold one because of my age. 

    A few years later, my father taught me how to handle gun albeit the airsoft one. I was so happy when I hit my first can. I feel like one of those cool kids in the action movie (particularly the police story series, because come on, who doesn't love Jackie Chan?). Then like a normal, regular kid, I ask my dad whether I can have my own gun when I grew up, to which he replies: 

    "I'm not really sure about getting you a gun, even when you grew up. You see, kid, civilians like us doesn't have access to that kind of world. Even if you are a member of shooting and hunting community, the burden of having a gun, and a properly licensed ones, were bigger than you imagine,"

    My father then proceeds with explaining his point of view any further. Thousands (or maybe millions) people shot dead every year. Now, whether they were incidentally shot or not, is out of question. The problems lies with the weapon itself. Some people might say it was the fault of the user--on which was the shooter, but my father thinks exactly the opposite.

    "I think us human weren't ready for such weapon. With weapons came power, and with power comes responsibilities. Now we're talking about the power to hold someone's life. The power to decide that in just matter of seconds we could just easily kill a being. A being with life, with feelings and with heart, possibly have families and other responsibilities too. I think we weren't ready for such huge responsibilities, and we'll never be since human were easily carried away by their emotions," he said to me with a very mellowed face.

    He explains to me that the only thing acceptable for gunning something is to protect your loved ones, other people, yourself and your country. But even that standard was crooked to some degree because we tend to be protective of people we loved regardless whether they're wrong or right. 

    Years later, I was on facebook and saw one of my facebook friends (for easier storytelling let's called him Y), a gun toting indonesians--and I didn't know whether he was licensed or not, for his sake, let's assume that he is licensed--was arguing on his facebook feed regarding the president who were spotted at the cinema, leisurely enjoying a movie despite his tight schedule. There's one commenter who was pointing that finding someone's fault was easier, maybe this commenter was too tired of Y's hate comment/status especially about politics (I personally hide him from my timeline after reading some arrogant remarks that he made) And you know what happened?

    Y commented with his photo shooting a bullseye. Yes. A photo of a gun with a snide remarks toward that commenter.

    [Seriously I am tempted to upload the screenshot in which I possessed as a proof and self reminder of how emotional people should never held or even touched a gun--but most of my friends said he already deleted that posts, and we need to protect his name since he's actually a reputable person and have his family to feed. With that being said, I tried to keep this posts as subtle as possible to protect his identity]

    Now I understand what my father had said. That having a gun means you have a greater power than most people around you. Thus, you have bigger responsibilities--to not fuck things up. You need to control your emotion, your environment and your opponent. Truthfully, Y's action had made me look in retrospect on how bad I control my emotions (haw-haw!) and understands why civilians were not to yield guns. The lack of training, mostly psychological training were noncompensable. Military and policemen had their own psychological training to control their emotion and their environment so they don't fucked up their job. Civilians, even the ones with licenses lack of these kind of training. This can further aggravates shooting incidents. 

    image are from visual.ly 
    Indonesian have a stricter gun laws than most countries pictured here. Although there are no further statistics, we can see that Indonesia falls into the strict gun laws category (and yes, it's pretty strict compared to the other countries, so you debaters trying to make arguments about gun and shooting societies, fly the f away). But even with the law as strict as it is, we can't hinder from incidents as long as we still have guns in an uncontrolled environment, and with the arrogance from some of gun users *cough*like Y*cough* there bound to be incidents in the future. And maybe, just maybe, my dad is right. Maybe, we're not actually ready for the gun and the responsibilities it holds.

    The question is, when will we?