--then add it to your mix of mascarpone and biscuit crumbles and lemon zest and sugar and make a cheesecake.
That's what I've been repeating in my head the whole time.
After all, we're here now.
Ever since I was a kid I always imagined my wedding to be the small one, with only friends and the closest member of my family attending. I don't like the ideas of shaking hands and posing for pictures with people i barely know while wondering "why the hell this person here, and who handed them my wedding invitation? which side of relatives this person is? if s/he is my mom/dad's friend have s/he talked about my wedding behind my back?" yet most of people in my family were pushing me to have a bigger wedding as my dad has a lot of friends and families in which i responded in a very delicate manner, by saying "if my mom/my dad wants to invite their friends and their families, i suggest they get remarried,"
I know, insecurities are my best traits. Without my insecurities, I won't be working so hard to achieve what I've been achieving. My responses to stupidity was more of the stupidity itself. I make the best out of my sour cream.
A few weeks ago, things turns sour for us, as Alfa wants to put Phi away for adoption. Phi is our beloved dog and now he turns a year. Phi stayed with Alfa's family because my neighborhood doesn't allow dogs, but lately they saw Phi as a hindrance after Phi got vaccinated and his sister were 'afraid' if Phi got sick she wouldn't be able to do anything, eventhough I am the one who checked up his condition regularly. So yeah, that hurts my feeling.
Alfa is famous for his temper and stubborn head which somehow I believed was an inherited traits because talking to him whenever he's making up his mind were like trying to talk to a goldfish--they'll swim anyway and forget their promise to compromise. So, being left alone in this town, I go ups and down to find an adopter for Phi which has to meet certain criteria that Alfa set.
At this point all I want to do is just give him the ring back.
Most of my friends convince me to forgive him and let go of the dog-which we haven't because we haven't met an adopter just yet, i even took him to his regular check up a few days ago, in which people praise him for his obedience. They will say, "it's just a dog, let him be?"
well excuse me, the dog is a living being that you shouldn't discard so easily. I fricking training the dog who is as stubborn as his owner for MONTHS. The dog is latched on to me. It's not some toy that you can give up to orphanage. We've asked his sister and his family before we left the dog there and they were happy. To change their mind in the middle wasn't acceptable for me. Pets are responsibilities--and no part of responsibilities are cute and cuddly. They are hard and stinky and they stick with you until you finish your job. Dog is not some lawn ornament that you could throw away.
Me and Alfa fight for weeks until we agreed to rent a house for his shelter together. That STILL doesn't erase my irritated feelings at all. I felt like he was throwing away something that is really important for us. I felt like he was throwing me away.
Then I decided to make a sour cream for it.
I don't care anymore of what is allowed and what isn't. Be it big wedding or small wedding, or no wedding at all, be it living with dogs and without dogs.
I know for sure that I am alone here and I will make the best out of it.
And lonely people who fights their most and come back unscathed usually are the toughest. I need to learn from Phi--to love unconditionally and to forgive easily, even though what people around him knows best is to abandon him.
Tuesday, April 7, 2015 . diary.