The Apologetic Post

It's been so long since I updated this blog, and I'm not really sorry because I've been so busy (YES, REALLY BUSY) planning my ...

It's been so long since I updated this blog, and I'm not really sorry because I've been so busy (YES, REALLY BUSY) planning my upcoming wedding. I know this post is supposed to be my apology to my non-existent blog reader, but my apology were just like my reader--they're nowhere, lol. I don't even believe that my own fiance was reading these. 

I feel like throwing a wedding party shouldn't be hard since I was in event planning for years, and as much as i love to be right, this time I'm 100% wrong. Planning my own wedding sucks. I plan my cousins' weddings for years and when it comes to my own wedding, my perfectionist traits gets ahead of me--and it drives everyone else crazy. 

My formal family meeting/engagement/wedding preparations were just days away. Alfa, as usual, is busy working his day away because I want a big old diamond ring--greedy, some might say--and I was busy with so many work project and grad-school preparation. Right now, I'm in my parents house in Jakarta and enjoying the good life where chinese food is always available at the table, but you have to walk more than 100 metres just to get a glass of water. My parents were so excited about the engagement already that I think they secretly planned my wedding in their head too.

We've agreed on a small ceremony with just friends and close families only. The invitation will be carefully curated since we want it to be really private and touching. After all both of me and my fiance were an only kid in our family. If my parents wants their colleague in my wedding, they should just get married again *insert devilish laugh*. 

Anyway, a few weeks ago, drama erupted between us, and I was in such state that I almost believe that our soon-to-be-marriage will be over. Even I packed my ring away and ready to give it back, because the state that we were in. But once again, like my mother always say, "kindness will prevail"--or like I always say "always be a zero bullshit person and be direct". The thing is we wasted so many precious minutes of our lives thinking of a way to sugarcoat something, and we shouldn't.

I respect Alfa as a human being with feelings. He's entitled to his opinion as much as I am to mine. And I won't let anybody uses me to drive his opinion. Being a husband and a head of a family means to lead, and I'm the follower. I'm the lamb and he is the shepherd. I don't always agree to what he did but I respect his opinion and his feelings. Marriage is supposed to be equal, and I put his feelings, thoughts and opinions equally high to mine. After all, we were born in two different worlds with a huge difference on each side. 

And to those who were offended with my reaction towards their way to control what Alfa should do or shouldn't do, I truly apologize. But once again, as much as it's my wedding, it's his too. And he has the rights to choose what he thinks is best. I learned this a long time ago, that you can't fix people, you can only love them. I can't fix what already happened in the past--I can't turn back time or make people change for the better, in any way, I can't play God, but I can love him earnestly and hope that he'll do the same. He teaches me, that life is so much better when you forgive and let go, and when you actually forgive and let go, it shines through you. 

And if he can forgive most of people who ruined his life, why can't I?

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